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Comfort Food For Every Sign
 Cancer is synonymous with home, comfort
and food. Feeling down? Take a page from Cancer's recipe book!
Here's what our cooking diva Ms. Sheryl Simon recommends as the
ultimate pick-me-up for each sign:
Aries - Chips and dip
- any kind - as long as it's fast and easy to open. Aries wants instant
gratification, and won't stand still for a long, involved kitchen session.
Sizzling salsa and other hot dips are an added treat that's sure to fire
up this fire sign.
 Taurus - Chocolate is the comfort food of
choice for Taurus. Period. It doesn't matter if it's from the finest gourmet
store or a half-eaten bag of chocolate chips. For extra-strength coddling,
warm up the fondue pot and have some dipped strawberries.
Gemini - Anything layered between
two slices of bread will satisfy Gemini's dual nature. An extra-tall,
Dagwood sandwich is one of the only things that will keep this motor mouth
busy chewing!
Cancer - Cancer always craves
the ultimate home-cooked meal. If that's not available, Cancer
will raid the fridge and create an entirely new meal out of last week's
leftovers. They're such good cooks you wouldn't be able to tell the difference!
 Leo - Leo prefers a feast fit for a king,
and if someone else prepares and delivers it, all the better. Leos love
a fancy meal with all the trimmings - there's no such thing as 'too much'
when it comes to comforting this royal beast.
Virgo - Health-conscious Virgo
is one of those annoying signs that can actually derive comfort from sliced
carrots, celery and assorted fruits, neatly organized in plastic
baggies to keep things hygienic. Ick!
Libra - The ultimate gourmand,
only the very best will please (let alone comfort) those discriminating
Libras. An elegant high tea at the Ritz - complete with delicate
cucumber sandwiches and perhaps a good friend's shoulder to lean on -
are all required elements to make this sign feel truly pampered.
Scorpio - Bar snacks,
all the better to accompany those triple-strength drinks you'll be swigging
down! Buffalo chicken wings with blue cheese dip, a shot and a beer 'chaser'
are the perfect recipe for Scorpio's TLC.
 Sagittarius - Sagittarius, the ultimate
globetrotter and adventurer, wants nothing more than a cold glass of
milk and cookies when it's time for comfort. Anything that brings
back fond childhood memories always does the trick.
Capricorn - Capricorn turns
to the tried and true when the chips are down. A home-baked cake
(from Mom's special recipe), or better yet, Mom to actually bake it for
them, will make any Capricorn feel alllllllll better.
 Aquarius - Aquarius doesn't really turn to food
for comfort... there are so many drugs that work much more effectively.
In terms of comfort food, they would probably want to go out and experience
something altogether different and exciting to get them out of
their funk. Like one of those sushi bars that serves live monkey brains,
for instance.
Pisces - See our Warm Crab
Dip recipe, below. Pisces needs comfort foods a lot, so keep
the local gourmet seafood restaurant on speed dial and you'll save some
wear and tear on the kitchen.
The Crabby Side of Cancer
 There's a reason why the sign of Cancer is represented
by the crab. Poke a little too hard, and those of the Cancer persuasion
will immediately retreat into their protective shells to sulk and
nurse their wounded feelings. Tenacious and determined,
Cancers use their metaphorical claws to hold on and never let go of anything
- including any emotional slights - even those not directed personally
at them! But if they're the ones at fault, don't expect an apology. Just
like a crab, they will scuttle sideways out of reach to avoid confrontation.
The sign of Cancer rules the stomach as well as the kitchen, so in honor
of our crabby crustaceous friends, here's a delicious crab dip recipe:
Warm Crab Dip
1 lb crab meat, picked clean
8 artichoke hearts, finely chopped
11 oz goat cheese, whipped
1 bunch scallions, chopped
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup sour cream
1 tbsp Tabasco sauce
Salt and pepper, to taste
Directions: Mix all ingredients thoroughly
and bake in the oven until hot and bubbly. Serve with toasted pita triangles.
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You're invited to a friend's house for
some good times and great food... right? Here's what you can really
expect, by the signs:
Aries -
Bring your oversized couch potato T-shirt and settle down
for three or four hours of non-stop sporting events on the boob
tube. Hope you like Pringles!
Taurus - Taurus
is sure to break out the finest china and silver... then ask you
to bring the dim sum.
Gemini
- Get ready for a rousing night of charades, twister and
Trivial Pursuit... but (gulp!) where's the #@*!% food?
Cancer -
A lack of tasty goodies won't be the problem here - this
homebody has probably been cooking all week. But wait until you
meet the relatives... all of them.
Leo - You
were expecting a friendly, lowkey gathering? Little did you know
that your Leo pals would be throwing a surprise party... for themselves!
Virgo -
With careful, controlling Virgos, you might find yourself
asking, "Does the fun ever start?"
Libra -
You may have hit the jackpot here, because Libras make the
best hosts! If you're lucky enough to be invited over, why not ask
to move in?
Scorpio
- You were expecting a sex toy party complete with hands-on
applications of whipped cream and cherries? Good.
Sagittarius
- You bring the Malaysian meatball fritters, I'll bring the
pan-fried locusts. It's always potluck night in the jungle room
with your local Sagittarian.
Capricorn
- Mmmmm... Caps always lay out quite a spread - but brace
yourself for the cover charge and two drink minimum.
Aquarius
- With nutty, kooky Aquarius you can always expect the unexpected.
Like your host being a no-show, for instance.
Pisces -
Pisces' don't throw parties - what if somebody came?
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Astrology
Reports
Log
In
One of the UK's most popular culinary personalities, Nigella Lawson
is slowly becoming influential on American soil. Although her book titles
are a bit reminiscent of the lovely Martha Stewart (How To Be a Domestic
Goddess, for example), we think she's pretty darn talented, and as
long as there are no insider trading scandals in her future, she should
make a great domestic queen! How did Nigella get to be a kitchen connoisseur?
Let's examine her using our two new reports - 