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ARIES
What Your Horoscope Says:
Pluto in your 9th brings an exotic stranger into your life. |
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What Really Happens:
After one too many at the Kontiki Lounge you decide that full body Maori tattoos really are kinda sexy. |
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Aries Forecast: You'll be looking to see what ACHIEVEMENT means to you now. Read More
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TAURUS
What Your Horoscope Says:
Saturn in your second makes you worry about money more than usual. |
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What Really Happens:
You start dipping into your child's piggy bank after bedtime. |
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Taurus Forecast: EDUCATION and ADVENTURE are the things you're focused on now. Read More
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GEMINI
What Your Horoscope Says:
Uranus in your ninth inspires you to invent new ways to use technology. |
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What Really Happens:
You make a bedside lamp from the hurricane bong you bought in 1982. |
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Gemini Forecast: Developing a sense of INTIMACY becomes important this month. Read More
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CANCER
What Your Horoscope Says:
Saturn moves into your sign this summer, and you bravely face up to new challenges. |
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What Really Happens:
You gain 30 pounds before bathing suit season. |
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Cancer Forecast: PARTNERSHIPS creep into focus now... Read More
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LEO
What Your Horoscope Says:
Jupiter makes you feel expansive and generous. |
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What Really Happens:
You spring for the boob job. |
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Leo Forecast: Your HEALTH AND WELL BEING come into focus now... Read More
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VIRGO
What Your Horoscope Says:
When Jupiter moves into your sign this fall, you're in more demand than ever. |
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What Really Happens:
They fire three people in your department and you have to pick up
the 'slack'. |
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Virgo Forecast: Mercury wants you to focus on your more FUN and frivolous side... Read More
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LIBRA
What Your Horoscope Says:
Uranus in your fifth house will bring you new and exciting experiences involving children. |
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What Really Happens:
The little stick turns blue. |
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Libra Forecast: Mercury's out to make sure you put your focus on all your FOUNDATIONS... Read More
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SCORPIO
What Your Horoscope Says:
When Pluto squares Mars in November, you get an offer to take an overseas adventure. |
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What Really Happens:
Your brother-in-law books you on a 3-hour "Cruise to Nowhere" with his bowling buddies. |
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Scorpio Forecast: Mercury retrograde will hit your house of COMMUNICATIONS, so he'll be laying landmines for you everywhere. Read More
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SAGITTARIUS
What Your Horoscope Says:
When Uranus moves into your fourth this March, expect changes around the house. |
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What Really Happens:
The demolition team working on the building next door implodes your living room wall. |
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Sagittarius Forecast: MONEY- how you earn it and how you spend it- rents a lot of space in your brain now. Read More
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CAPRICORN
What Your Horoscope Says:
When Saturn comes into your seventh house, you make a long-term commitment. |
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What Really Happens:
You work out a six month payment plan with the IRS for fines on capital gains tax evasion. |
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Capricorn Forecast: Starting the New Year with Mercury retrograde in your Sun sign isn't as bad as it sounds. Read More
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AQUARIUS
What Your Horoscope Says:
Jupiter in your seventh house indicates someone will fall for you in a big way. |
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What Really Happens:
Your neighbor's St. Bernard decides to mate with your leg. |
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Aquarius Forecast: The Mercury retrograde in your house of behind-the-scenes operations will give you time to FORMULATE YOUR PLANS for the year ahead. Read More
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PISCES
What Your Horoscope Says:
When Uranus comes into your sign, brace yourself for some excitement! |
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What Really Happens:
You have your 19th nervous breakdown. |
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Pisces Forecast: Your mission is to start out 2003 surrounded by FRIENDS... Read More
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