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ARIES
"He just kept going, "HO, HO, HO" and ringing that bell...so I popped him."
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TAURUS
"All the big sales are AFTER Christmas."
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GEMINI
"Hello?...Presents? I'm sorry...you're breaking up...Hello????"
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LEO
"Wait a minute...I'm supposed to GIVE presents, too?"
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VIRGO
"I couldn't remember if you wanted a lace doily or an enema bag."
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LIBRA
"So I found this adorable crimson wrapping paper, but they only had kelly green ribbons...can you believe it?"
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SCORPIO
"It's in my pocket. Could you get it for me?"
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SAGITTARIUS
"How was I supposed to know you can't carry a Masai tribal spear onto a plane???"
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AQUARIUS
"Don't you know they invented Santa Claus just to sell more Coca Cola?"
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